(1998)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Big Top Video

STORE DESCRIPTION:

A large independent two floor video store with very modern architecture. The video racks are all cheaply made of black foam and particle board and break apart immediately after you run or are thrown into them.

DEFINING MOMENT:

When Melvin Smiley (Mark Wahlberg) finally gets around to returning an overdue video, the pimply, bespectacled clerk on duty begins to laugh maniacally at the thought of collecting money. Drool forms when the clerk learns that Melvin hasn’t rewound the movie either.

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

No. Even Melvin puts his foot down, arguing that he is tired of putting "up with [Big Top’s] high prices, lousy selection and rude phone calls."

WORD TO THE WISE:

The adult section of THE VIDEO STORE: puts up a poster sized photo of the month’s best customer.

Clerks

(1994)

THE VIDEO STORE:

RC Video

STORE DESCRIPTION:

A small, independent store with the new releases clearly placed (unless you’re a complete moron) and a fairly ample selection of porn. Not ample enough, however, as the staff has to get their she-male flicks from Big Choice video down the road.

DEFINING MOMENT:

Randal’s (Jeff Anderson) rant about the customers is a heartfelt release for all of us who have ever worked retail.

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

God, no. Even the staff agrees. Says one clerk, "I work in a shitty video store." There’s also the possibility that the pair of hooligans that hang out in front of the store may talk to you.

WORD TO THE WISE:

The day worker is terribly rude and may rip up your membership if you complain, but they do have Navy Seals.

EdTV

(1999)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Blockbuster Video

STORE DESCRIPTION:

It’s a Blockbuster. They’re blue and white and clean and don’t have porn.

DEFINING MOMENT:

His life aired to the world, our hero Ed (Matthew McConaughey) extols his love for Smokey and the Bandit to a customer.

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

Depends on your tastes. If you don’t mind the fact that the clerks are hicks and don’t know all that much (The Man Who Knew Too Little also features a moronic Blockbuster clerk) and they don’t carry NC-17 rated films, go ahead. They’re very… clean.

WORD TO THE WISE:

A real life Blockbuster clerk once told me that I might enjoy this great action movie called End of Days.

The Fisher King

(1991)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Video Spot!

STORE DESCRIPTION

A tiny place, with racks of videos that seem terribly ill-planned. The empty cover boxes are just standing there, facing the customer, and the slightest move could knock down a whole row. The adult department is poorly thought out as well, with the video store’s office located in the middle of it.

DEFINING MOMENT:

A customer (Kathy Najimy) is looking for something zany, kind of "a Goldie Hawn-y Chevy Chase-y sort of thing." The employee (Jeff Bridges) directs her to Ordinary Peepholes, a "kind of a big titty, spread-cheeky kind of thing." This is hardly what I’d call good customer service.

WOULD YOU WANT TO RENT THERE?

Most likely not. The staff is surly, hungover and/or homeless. The store itself doesn’t seem to have much of a selection beyond Columbia/TriStar Home Video releases (see also The Last Action Hero). There are no Ethel Merman movies either.

WORD TO THE WISE:

If a slovenly, hirsute vagrant takes a liking to you, you might get some free rentals out of the deal.

It’s the Rage

(2000)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Movies and More!

STORE DESCRIPTION

A wannabe Blockbuster, complete with yellow and blue coloring. The decoration is decidedly Tarantino-esque with posters of Reservoir Dogs and Natural Born Killers among others on the wall.

DEFINING MOMENT:

When asked by a customer (Jeff Daniels) for an "adult title", the naive and/or brain dead manager (Josh Brolin) hands him a Russian film, citing the plot complexities as great bonuses.

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

Probably, although no matter what time of the day it is, it seems like that weird manager is always on duty... alone.

WORD TO THE WISE:

If you mention to the manager that a particular film sucked, he will deliver a heartfelt apology to you. Even if the film in question is Pulp Fiction.

Kicking and Screaming

(1995)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Video Planet

STORE DESCRIPTION

The type of store Kathy Najimy’s character in The Fisher King should have been going to. Video Planet probably has scores of Goldie Hawn-y Chevy Chase-y kinds of things. As the owner (Dean Cameron) shows a new employee (Jason Wiles) around the store, it becomes obvious that they’ve got sections for everything, including "Dog Buddy Pictures", "Prison Movies" and "Interesting Failures". Prospective employees are asked "What are your [film] influences?"

DEFINING MOMENT:

Cameron talks about making a movie so he can watch it on the store monitors and see who checks it out. "It’s a film so bizarre," he explains, "they’d have to invent a section for my movie."

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

Definitely. The store has a great selection, knowledgeable clerks, and is everything a video store should be.

WORD TO THE WISE:

Rewind. They will yell at you if you don’t.

The Last Action Hero

(1993)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Blockbuster Video (again)

STORE DESCRIPTION:

Still blue and white and clean and they still don’t have porn. This store isn’t familiar with the works of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

DEFINING MOMENT:

While looking through the store, Danny (Austin O’Brien) comes across a cardboard stand up of Sylvester Stallone starring in Terminator 2.

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

It still depends. This store also has a large selection of Columbia/TriStar videos and the employees are all buxom blondes outfitted in tight clothes; quite a departure from the blue button downs and khakis you might be used to.

WORD TO THE WISE:

There are some questionable management decisions at play in this store. Boyz ‘N’ the Hood is still considered a ‘New Release’ more than three years after it was released onto video.

The Lost World

(1997)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Blockbuster Video (yet again)

STORE DESCRIPTION

Yes, it’s still blue and white and clean and it still doesn’t have porn. On the other hand, this store is quite familiar with the works of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

DEFINING MOMENT:

Just before a bus crashes into the store in an attempt to avoid a T-Rex, customers are spotted looking at the cardboard stand-up of the latest video release: King Lear, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

Not if the InGen Corporation is still in business.

WORD TO THE WISE:

You should probably avoid the surfing movie with the in-store displa.html>spla.html>spla.html>spla.html>splay called Tsunami Sunrise.

Scream

(1996)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Mountain or Mammoth Video, but we’re not sure.

STORE DESCRIPTION

A small town video store with a huge selection of movies to choose from. The horror, suspense and mass-murder sections are particular favorites

DEFINING MOMENT:

With the whole town abuzz about a recent murder, smart ass video clerk Randy (Jamie Kennedy) is all over the map. First he questions Billy’s (Skeet Ulrich) innocence, "If you’re the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath, would you be standing in the horror section?" and then insists that the police would save a lot of time if they would just watch Prom Night.

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

It depends on whether you know, or are close to, one Sidney Prescott

WORD TO THE WISE:

This may be the country, but that still doesn’t mean video stores can’t charge a whopping $3 for one day rentals.

Walking and Talking

(1996)

THE VIDEO STORE:

Palmer Video

STORE DESCRIPTION

This store has the makings of a truly great indie video store. It’s filled with loads of oddball cult flicks and a well-organized wall of new releases. The place is clean and the clerk (Kevin Corrigan) is knowledgeable, if a bit on the creepy, ill-groomed side.

DEFINING MOMENT:

After a misunderstanding, Corrigan doesn’t call Catherine Keener back after they’ve slept together. Keener finally works up the nerve to go back into the store and goes on a rampage after Corrigan asks why she hasn’t rented lately.

WOULD YOU WANT RENT THERE?

Yes, but don’t sleep with the clerks. It might make rental procedures a little awkward. Come to think of it, this rule applies to most video stores.

WORD TO THE WISE:

Don’t listen to everything the clerk has to say. He points out a special effect mask is from Basket Case when it’s actually from Basket Case 2. Tsk, tsk.