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Starring Jennifer Lopez, Jon Voight, Ice Cube. ![[Photo]](/photos/anaconda1.jpg) To say I was skeptical of the factuality of Anaconda before I watched it would be a large understatement at best. I'm sure you remember some of the previews on TV of a snake the size of the Sears Tower literally leaping up, at a speed I can only dream of, to grab hold of Jon Voight and pull him down off a ladder.Well, after watching, and fast forwarding through, this movie, to say my skepticisms were off base is a larger understatement than the previous one. Anaconda attempts to be Jaws with a big snake, but the only redeeming feature to this movie is that Jennifer Lopez happens to be in it. With the script this movie has, it could have accurately been labeled a comedy. The plot centers around Eric Stoltz's anthropologist who wants to find a new tribe deep in the Amazon jungle. Since I majored in anthropology in college, a major that's only practical use is being able to criticize the activities of movie anthropologists and archaeologists, I laughed at a lot of the gibberish Stoltz said and his attempts to find the tribe, but most of all that he brought a documentary film crew with him. Evidently the good anthropologist was absent the day they taught about getting new tribes to trust you before bringing in camera crews and the like, but I put those hesitations aside, to examine the actions of the anacondas in this film. Here are the answers to some of the other questions I asked, which in my estimation, gave me approximately five more minutes of research time than anyone else who was ever connected with this project. Q: Could an anaconda out slither a female in good shape, like Jennifer Lopez, after just having consumed a male the size of Jon Voight? Q: Could and would an anaconda bang its head against the floorboards of a barge in an effort to get at a person above it? Q: Could a human being survive being eating alive and regurgitated later? The only question I didn't get to ask was why this movie was ever allowed to be made in the first place.
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![[Photo]](/photos/anaconda2.jpg)
Now I've had enough schooling to know that certain animals cannot do certain things, namely in this case, a fifty foot snake, that has just eaten a human being, cannot out run, out slither, a well toned Jennifer Lopez. On a fact finding mission, I called the Brookfield Zoo Library and talked to an employee. I identified myself as a video reviewer with a couple of questions about South American snakes and the exact response I got was, "Don't tell me you watched that dang anaconda movie."