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Drop Zone
1994, Rated PG
Paramount Home Video

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Starring Wesley Snipes.

I believe recycling should end with our cans and newspapers and bottles. The director of Drop Zone, John Badham, evidently believes otherwise.

This is a movie about, gasp, some evil sky divers (I'm sure there are some good people who sky dive, who don't have parole officers, work for the KGB, or rob banks, but Hollywood hasn't found them yet) who want to, gasp, steal information from the government to sell to, gasp, drug dealers. Wesley Snipes, who I maintain only plays cops and baseball players, is the, hold on to your seats, suspended cop who wants to, oh my god, avenge his brother's death. For those of you familiar with my reviews, you'll remember my Tim Curry rule. There are a few other rules I have similar to that one that I should have listened to when deciding that I would watch this movie. They are as follows:

  • The Gary Busey Bad Guy Rule: Gary Busey, he of the 'B' movies, has starred as the bad guy in so many formulaic pictures I've lost count. Only my undying esteem of Steve Seagal allowed me to see Under Siege.
  • The Token Black Guy Rule: I'm sure you've heard of this one before. In every exploration party, in every band of mercenaries, in every bunch of cops, there are probably six or seven guys, only one of whom is black. If you aren't that familiar with the black actor's name, or recognize him as a stand up comedian, his character's as good as dead. Think Con Air, think Pulp Fiction, think The Rock, think Bad Boys, think Die Hard II. Think Drop Zone.
  • The Whiny Informant Rule: Just once I wanted to see a well built stud, hell, I want to see Arnold, as a guy who rolls over on his boss and sings like a canary to the feds. They don't get any whinier or any more annoying than the guy in Drop Zone.
But since Drop Zone was going head to head with Terminal Velocity, I couldn't avoid it. Neither of these sky diving movies is that strong, Terminal Velocity might merit a 'consider it' rating on a day when I was feeling charitable, but Drop Zone wouldn't get a 'consider it' if I'd just inherited $75,000 from my great aunt Berniece.

There is one, I repeat one, scene in Drop Zone that is just flat out funny. Wesley, who's not wearing a parachute, has just been dropped out of an airplane, because his female instructor was sick of his complaining. She dives out a couple seconds later and grabs him and they land safely. On the ground, she asks him if he enjoyed the jump and he punches her in the face. I would have loved to seen the instructor knocked out, or at least have a black eye, but she gets up laughing and the lone moment of amusement has passed us by.

If you have to see one of these movies, Terminal Velocity, with Charlie Sheen's quips and dead pan style of acting, is the only one to think about.

(c) Stumped, 1998-2004