Def Jam's How to be a Player 1997,

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I like Bill Bellamy. I've always found his stand-up act to be funny, and liked the way Bellamy carried himself in his comic supporting roles in Love Jones and Who's the Man. Therefore, when I had the opportunity to screen Def Jam's How to be a Player, I leapt at the chance. Unfortunately though, How to be a Player turned out to be a rather tepid and meandering quasi-documentary about Andre (Dre), played by Bellamy, a self-proclaimed "player" with the scruples of a sea dwelling mollusk.

The humor and tension in this film comes from the fact that Dre is dating 6 or 7 women at the same time. Yes. 6 or 7. I don't want to say I found this premise impossible, especially considering the time and energy it takes most men to just kind of satisfy one women, but let it go for the time, figuring Dre must have been the reincarnation of the Roman God of love. Dre's sister, herself upset that she has been used by another player, decides to teach Dre a lesson, and invites all of Dre's women to a party that she knows he will attend, and hopes that he will finally get caught. If that, in itself, doesn't seem humorous, it's because it really wasn't. And even worse, is the way that Dre always manages to worm his way out of trouble.

Screenwriters Mark Brown and Demetria Johnson seem to be trying to send the message that being a player is societally wrong--no one man should date more women than he has fingers on a hand--but Dre is never caught or punished on camera, nor did I expect anything truly shocking to occur at any point in time down the road. In Ferris Buehler's Day Off, even Ferris, who had evaded trouble for the majority of the day, gets caught in the end, and needs the help of another person to get him through that sticky situation. However, the genius there is that Ferris has grown as a person by relying on someone else, making him stronger for the next bout he fights. Dre never faces that hurdle, nor any other obstacle than jealous husbands chasing him around the neighborhood while he tries to put on his pants. Dre spends the entirety of his life sizing up women, bedding them down, and then coming up with excuses about why he won't be able to see them very often in the future.

Bellamy, like Chris Tucker and Bill Murray, has a charisma that rises above a poor screenplay, but that charisma is not enough to make How to be a Player anything to see. This is that movie your parents will accidentally see and come and yell at you about.