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Written by Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant; directed by Adam Shankman; starring Vin Diesel and Lauren Graham. Released to DVD on June 28, 2005.  Children’s movies aim to please children and the possibility for these films to stir much interest in mature audiences is normally quite unlikely. Luckily for the makers of most family movies, intentions of invoking any attention from the Academy or even serious movie-goers never comes into play. Their sole purpose is to deliver a film that the entire family can enjoy together. Oftentimes reaching this basic aspiration includes the incorporation of a few talking animals, a handful of bumbling bad guys and a couple of resourceful kids. Regardless of which expected formula is employed, the eagerly anticipated happy ending invariably seals the deal for its familial audiences. The problem with Disney’s The Pacifier however would be the suffering necessary in order to make it to that fairy tale ending. Terrible acting and absurd situations leave watchers threatening to bail long before the halfway marker.
Vin Diesel stars in The Pacifier as Navy SEAL, Shane Wolf. In this fish-out-of-water story, Wolf is dropped in the midst of a dysfunctional household to play babysitter to a group of kids whose weapons expert father has been recently murdered.
Live action Disney movies and other similar children’s productions rarely gift audiences with stunning performances. Understanding this concept, Diesel has seemingly taken a personal license to butcher every single line he delivers. As is the case in his other films, Diesel’s performance is choppy and awkward. The difference here is that no amount of quick editing can make him seem more life like. While the comical point of this role is to place him in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation filled with juice boxes and squeaky toys, he appears out of place in every scenario; even alongside his fellow, muscle-bound SEALs, which is unique given his history in war movies.
The film is filled with a plethora of absurdities as Wolf is forced to consol practically play the role of therapist for the fatherless children. With a military past consisting of lifting heavy objects and shooting at things, our lead SEAL is somehow able to care for an infant, toddler and three older children with preposterous ease, while at the same time battling black-belt intruders, a cruel vice principal and a gang of boyscout-like bullies. Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but by the end of The Pacifier, Diesel’s character has successfully directed a production of The Sound of Music, has taught the teenage daughter how to drive and is changing dirty diapers like a pro.
Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in a very similarly themed 1989 film called Kindergarten Cop. However, unlike Kindergarten Cop, The Pacifier has no core base of likable characters or sympathetic situations to propel it forward. And given that reality is in such short supply here, it makes it significantly harder to stomach Diesel’s “acting” and the pathetically and patently ridiculous script. Perhaps if Gary, the family’s pet duck, had had some speaking lines, things might have been different.
abbe miller yes, it's true: Actor Vin Diesel's real name is Mark Vincent. |
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