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A Buena Vista release. Written by Craig Mazan and Pat Proft; directed by David Zucker; starring Anna Faris, Charlie Sheen and Simon Rex. Released to DVD on May 11, 2004. Scary Movie 3 is the type of comedy that is so terrible, some jokes that would normally succeed bomb because of the stench of desperation and failure that surrounds them. And that is a bad, bad sign.  Stealing plot elements, wardrobe suggestions and lighting schemes from The Ring, Eight Mile and Signs, Scary Movie 3 is a conglomeration of the three films. Anna Faris returns from the first two Scary Movies as Cindy Campbell. Now a television newscaster (and a blonde), Campbell stumbles onto a video tape that is making the rounds, killing people exactly one week after they have the misfortune of viewing it. Investigating this conspiracy, Campbell learns of an alien invasion and meets and falls for a cute, white wannabe rapper, George (Simon Rex). Include a host of C-list cameos, Charlie Sheen getting kicked in crotch numerous times, a few references to The Matrix, Final Destination and Bruce Almighty and a Michael Jackson impersonator and the whole of Scary Movie 3 is laid out before you. With this synopsis in mind, the question quickly becomes: how much do you value your time? I realize that humor is always subjective–what’s funny to me probably won’t be funny for everyone else–but the jokes in Scary Movie 3 seem to fall under one of three classifications: characters hitting their heads, men getting kicked in the groin or people masturbating. The filmmakers don’t even seem to care how they get the gags on screen; logic and rationality are thrown out the window. In one scene, a news anchorman played Jeremy Piven is seen pleasuring himself while on the air, talking with another reporter. With such an emphasis on the lowest common denominator of comedy, Scary Movie 3 quickly, obviously and purposely lowers the bar. Whenever I see a movie of unquestioned mediocrity or worse, I attempt to comfort myself by rationalizing that viewing the project is work for me. A slightly more relaxed, stress-free version of work without any annoying co-workers or bosses. The rationalization fails at this point in time and unquestioningly the realization sinks in that I’ve just wasted two hours of my time watching utter rubbish. There is no sugar coating it. Usually there are one or two positives I can find in the situation, something I can grasp onto as I begin to accept the fact that I’ve spent two hours viewing cinematic trash. Usually. Scary Movie 3 distances itself from the pack by being so wretched that there isn’t anything remotely positive that I can think to say about it; even the editing and continuity are poor. I found this to be quite unusual, given that Scary Movie 3’s director David Zucker is commonly viewed as having created the spoof genre in his films Airplane and Naked Gun. If an old pro can’t deliver a more cohesive effort than this, one has to wonder.  Zucker rose to fame in the late seventies with his irreverent and shrewd sense of humor. Writing The Kentucky Fried Movie with his brother Jerry and Jim Abrahams (collectively the group was known as ZAZ) and expanding his repertoire to that of directing on films like Airplane, Top Secret and Naked Gun, the Zucker Abrahams Zucker trio seemed like a comedy juggernaut. Hit after hit piled up for ZAZ. After the second Naked Gun broke the bank in 1991, the three went their own professional ways. Jerry Zucker had already directed Ghost (!) and began working his way into more mainstream Hollywood attaching himself to projects like First Knight, My Best Friend’s Wedding and Unconditional Love. David Zucker and Abrahams stayed in familiar territory though. Abrahams continued to forge ahead spoofing what he could. The results were sorely underwhelming pictures like Hot Shots, and Jane Austen’s Mafia! David Zucker continued to direct mid-budget comedies like My Boss’ Daughter and BASEketball, before finally agreeing to helm Scary Movie 3 and, take a deep breath, the upcoming Scary Movie 4. Separately, the members of ZAZ have had the occasional and rare moment of greatness, though most of these have been confined to Jerry Zucker’s career. As David Zucker and Abrahams plodded along making their own supposed comedies, it became obvious that, as a trio, the three smoothly balanced their individual styles. There wasn’t a huge emphasis on toilet humor (courtesy of Abrahams). There wasn’t a huge emphasis on ‘borrowing’ scenes from other popular movies (courtesy of David Zucker). And thankfully, there was an actual focus (of sorts) on an actual plot (courtesy of Jerry Zucker). Since 1991 though, each member of ZAZ’s specialty has had the opportunity to shine on its own, and in the case of David Zucker, the results are truly and unintentionally frightening, culminating here on Scary Movie 3. Bad from the moment Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy appear on screen in the film’s opening sequence to the movie’s very last image, Scary Movie 3 is a waste of the celluloid it was printed on.
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