Sliding Doors 1998, Rated PG-13 Paramount Home Video

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Starring Gwyneth Paltrow,. Released to DVD on December 1, 1998.

Gwenneth Paltrow stars as a British woman whose life takes a most unusual turn. As the film opens, Paltrow is fired from her position in public relations. Dejected, Paltrow goes back to the subway to catch a train back to her flat. As she runs to catch the train--to make it through the sliding doors--Howitt examines what would happen to Paltrow's life in the event that she catches the train (scenario 'A'), or in the event that she misses the train (scenario 'B').

Looking at how such an everyday and mundane occurrence as this can greatly affect our lives is a very thought provoking idea if, and only if, the material is presented correctly and the screenwriter has created two separate futures that are distinctly different from one another. If Paltrow's life turns out the same, or equally dissatisfying in both situations, the point of the movie is shot to hell. Howitt doesn't do either of these things.

What Howitt has put forth on celluloid is just plain done wrong. One would expect, as I most assuredly did, that these two tales of fate would be presented in their entirety, scenario 'A' first, and scenario 'B' second. This method of presentation would allow us to see how important Paltrow's missing, or catching, her train really was. Howitt, again, doesn't do this. He instead chooses to tell the two stories simultaneously, cutting back and forth between scenarios at random intervals of time, if and when he so desires. This is confusing as hell, initially because we have only a bandage on Paltrow's forehead to differentiate between 'A' and 'B', and then because juxtaposing back and forth between the same characters in the same physical locations is most awkward to follow and comprehend. I can't begin to count how many times I would think to myself, "oh, wait a minute, now we're back to the other story".

Howitt makes four other serious missteps in Sliding Doors: 1) there is no prelude to Paltrow's firing, endearing us to her character, making us care whether or not she catches the train or dies if someone should thoughtlessly drop a piano on her head, 2) the ultimate conclusion of both scenarios is bad, suggesting that Howitt feels that no matter what you do, you're screwed, a message I like less each time I write it, 3) Howitt never actually bothers to let us know whether Paltrow does in fact catch her train; we saw what would happen in both cases, but never what does happen, and 4) this movie is shot entirely on location in London, England. Paul Reiser hit is on the head when he said "Tea and the Beatles" were the only good things the British had sent toward America. I didn't mind the English colloquialisms like "chutes" for subway, or "loo" for bathroom, but the decision to cast lesser known British actors with heavy British/Scottish accents, like John Hannah (the young, gay guy in Four Weddings and a Funeral) that makes each sentences an adventure in comprehension is beyond me. Setting a film in Britain with British actors, or American actresses faking a British accent, virtually assures the director that it will not succeed in main stream American society; there just isn't anything to which we can relate.

This was a horribly written film, set in an poor location, with actors I couldn't always understand. It'll be a long time, I hope, before I see someone else screw up a platinum premise like this as badly. Sliding Doors is the cinematic equivalent of buying a $126,000 Ming vase and using it to drink Milwaukee's Best at a Western Michigan University frat party.