Terminal Velocity 1994, Rated PG-13 Hollywood Pictures

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Starring Charlie Sheen, Nastassja Kinski.

Charlie Sheen? In an action/adventure movie? As a skydiving instructor? C'mon, I'd rather see Howard's End or something else about 18th century British servants with Emma Thompson, at least after watching that I could impress my friends and relatives with a little knowledge of high culture. At Thanksgiving dinner, I could announce that the proper way to ask for crumpets is to raise your tea cup and sniff at it.

But just hear me out. No, this movie didn't win any awards for acting or directing or even makeup or sound editing, but it's all right and somewhat entertaining. It starts out rather slowly, as we follow Sheen's Ditch, that's his name, I guess all the cool names like Jeff and Chris were taken, getting into new, crazy, goofy trouble, mistaking an eight year olds birthday party for a bachelorette party. You can imagine the problems.

The film moves along juxtaposing scenes of Ditch and the most cookie cutter bad guys you can think of, played by a blonde Christopher McDonald and some other actors you know you've seen before but can't place, until another blonde, this one played by Nastassja Kinski, decides she wants skydiving lessons and meets up with Ditch. And suddenly there are bodies flying from planes, "KG used to B" agents running around, Cadillacs falling from the heavens and lies and twists galore.

What makes this watchable are the one-liners, and grumbled complaints that Sheen is given by screenwriter David Twohy. Good acting can not save a terrible script, but on the flip side of the coin, a good script can make mediocre acting and directing somewhat interesting. Ditch is a reluctant hero at best. He's not the cook saving the battleship, or the president of the United States kicking Russian terrorists off his plane, but a run of the mill guy who doesn't want to be saving people, or helping countries he's never visited and isn't afraid to say so.

Unfortunately, although he is reluctant, he is also the hero and that duty necessitates he do things that I wouldn't do if I were promised the state of California. Ditch hates the bad guys but really could care less about what they do, until a soft spot in his heart is touched. That soft spot is Nastassja, and Sheen turns into Schwarzenegger and goes to work.

This isn't The English Patient, but it's still all right. Without Sheen's humorous, irritated, complaints Terminal Velocity might just be terminal, however as it is, this film is halfway enjoyable.