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Starring Narrated by Leonard Nimoy. After screening Titanica, the IMAX documentary about the underwater exploration of the Titanic wreck, I came to realize that, judging from those men interviewed on film, one trait, above all others, must be possessed in order to become a Titanic expert: a beard. Having read multitudes of the recently released books on the sinking of the R.M.S. Titanic, as well as Walter Lord's book, A Night to Remember, and the nearly 14 pound press kit sent to me by Paramount's home video publicity department, I've come to feel that I know more about this ship's sinking that do some of the so-called experts profiled in this movie. I knew that the floor of the Atlantic was dense where the Titanic came to rest, otherwise the ship would have been buried under 80 years of silt. I knew that Captain Smith was hell-bent on getting to New York City ahead of schedule, and I knew that, had the Titanic crashed in the iceberg head on, instead of veering left at the last moment, that it probably would have remained afloat. But nevertheless, was greeted with these facts again by the hirsute men talking in Titanica. The only bit of information that did seem new to me, was of what material the different classes toilets were made (first class: marble, second class: porcelain, third class: iron). Narrated by Leonard Nimoy--what the hell he has to do with the sinking of a turn of the century ocean liner is beyond me--Titanica is basically a 75 minute cinematic journey to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean to examine the Titanic's current resting position. Titanica brings home all the fun of traveling two and a half miles down into the Atlantic in a cramped, three man submersible, that was specifically designed to withstand the 6,000 pounds per square inch force exerted by the surrounding ocean water, whose crew yammered excitedly upon seeing champagne bottles and bits of a railing, and debated about whether or not to movie pieces of the wreckage. Maybe my sense of what makes a film enjoyable is different than most, but I just didn't derive any pleasure from watching a bunch of unkempt, unshaven, middle-aged men, sporting ill fitting T-shirts, finding and examining 85 year old shoes, coal, and suitcases, even if those items were once on board the most famously doomed ship in history. Despite its outwardly professional appearance, Titanica didn't strike me as being anything more than a rather choppy and hastily made documentary, seemingly produced to cash in on the prominence of the Titanic name. This film will be on the shelf right next to James Cameron's Titanic, but that doesn't mean it can't just stay there.
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